


Sacrifice

by hedda62



Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Unicorns, Virginity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-23
Updated: 2012-12-23
Packaged: 2017-11-22 04:27:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/605809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hedda62/pseuds/hedda62
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for yunitsa's tropefic meme prompt "James Hathaway, secret virgin."  Utter and complete crackfic.  Set soon after "The Dead of Winter."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sacrifice

"A what?!" Lewis exclaimed when DC Hooper had given him the news. And then he looked out across the field and saw... a bloody unicorn, grazing, and Hathaway standing very still and staring at it, his hair glowing in the sun.

He went to his sergeant, using the quiet, careful sort of pace you adopt to stop wild creatures from twitching up their heads and tails and scampering off. Hathaway didn't scamper.

"Is it real?" he murmured when they were side by side. As if Hathaway had been up close to conduct an examination. They ought to catch it and get Laura to... well, catching it would be the first task.

"It's real," Hathaway said firmly.

"Has it killed anyone?"

Hathaway turned to look at him. "No," he said, incredulous.

"Then it's not our job, is it? Get... I don't know. Animal Control."

"It will kill someone, if we do that."

"Studied the psychology of unicorns in seminary, did you? What do we do then?" He couldn't believe he was seriously asking, but if anyone could tell him what to do about a unicorn, it was Hathaway.

Hathaway let out a little huff of breath. "Hooper said, 'We'd best find a virgin then,' and then he guffawed and added, 'Fat chance doing that in Oxford.' And then I came over here because I wanted to punch him, and I didn't think you'd like that."

"Is that true then? About unicorns and virgins."

Hathaway shrugged. "The Cambridge theology faculty had some odd birds. One of them claimed... well, it was persuasive enough." He paused, pressing his lips together and looking uncomfortable, and then, keeping his eyes away from Lewis, added, "I'm a virgin, sir."

"What? You never... but you... what about Fiona?"

Hathaway's mouth curved subtly; Lewis was pretty sure he was smiling. "You're choosing ancient history over... over this week's soap opera?"

"Well. I... you were angry with me, about Scarlett. And I made an assumption, there. Thought I might have been wrong. Ha. Clearly I was."

"Scarlett just needed a sympathetic ear. Not a sympathetic... um. And Fiona... generously provided me with a reputation. So people like Hooper had less to rag me about."

"If you let that unicorn lay its head in your lap, you'll never hear the end of it."

"And if anyone approaches it who's... like you, sir, they'll be gored. I can't let that happen. I'm going in."

He sounded like he was just about to enter a minefield. "Listen, man. We can find..." And then a car door slammed behind them.

They turned, and saw Hooper by a small sedan, giving his hand to a girl dressed in school uniform who looked about ten. She took one look at the field ahead, shouted in joy, and ran full speed toward the unicorn.

Lewis moved to intercept her; Hathaway seized his arm. "No, sir," he said urgently. "It'll be all right."

"You'd better be bloody sure of that," Lewis snapped, but by then the girl was in the field, holding out her hand to the unicorn, and it was all right; she was petting it, and putting a silken rope around its neck, and leading it in circles like a pony.

Hooper joined them. "My grand-niece, sir," he reported. "Loves horses. I thought..."

"You are damn lucky the legend's true, Constable," Lewis growled.

"Oh, I was sure of it, sir. Caught a unicorn myself when I was a boy. And then nearly got skewered a year later, after I... well. I could see DS Hathaway making ready to sacrifice himself, and we couldn't have that. Quite a reputation he's got, for one who was nearly a priest."

"Never took a vow of celibacy, Hooper," Hathaway said, and shot Lewis a pleased grin.


End file.
